Anxiety

For the first time in my life I am dealing with depression and anxiety attacks. Life being life, I have had my good times and my not so good times but this is different. The depression stems, I am pretty sure, from this year long ordeal of not knowing what is causing my GI problems. The anxiety attacks hit me like a wave and I don't know what triggers it. I feel a flush of heat and a feeling that I need to run away. I manage to keep my composure and go on with what I am doing but the feeling of anxiety lasts about 15-30 minutes and then I am calm again.

My family doctor gave me a prescription for Xanax 0.25mg to help get me through all the tests.
I have had several tests and I have an ultrasound scheduled for 11/2 and an EGD scheduled for 11/11. The Xanax puts me to sleep for 2 hours and I wake up feeling calm.

I am continuing to work 3 days a week and one weekend a month. Besides the money and insurance, it gives me some structure and distraction from all this.

I didn't intend for this blog to be a health blog but that is certainly what is going on in my life right now.

Weather Wonders

The Texas Gulf Coast is well known for its heat, humidity, and mosquitoes but the past two week have been some kind of weather miracle. We have had 2 weeks now of low humidity, cool nights, and warm, sunny days. Amazing. (We do still have mosquitoes though...life is seldom perfect...)

Open Enrollment Time

It is open enrollment time at my place of employment. I've been reading through the benefits package and trying to make sence it all.

There are certainly changes in the health care plans available but the one that impacts us is the spousal insurance. For the last 19 years I have carried JMM on my insurance policy at a nominal increase in the price of the policy. Now it will cost an additional $100 per pay period since he is eligible to have his own insurance at his place of employment. So I have to figure out which would be the best plan for us 1) keep him on my policy 2) each of us have a separate policy 3) move me to his policy. Time to make a spreadsheet of costs and benefits.

The deductible on my insurance drops by $500 if I do a Personal Wellness Profile and a Biometric Screening. This is height, weight, waist circumference and glucose and lipid levels. My weight is within acceptable levels as are my glucose and lipid levels. These are confidential and are not required to get insurance but as I said will drop my yearly deductible. I definitely plan to do this as it costs me nothing and will save me money.

Trying to figure out the Flexible Spending Account is always a challenge since my crystal ball is a bit murky. Have to total up 1. Prescription co-pays for a year. 2. Dental co-pays and I need one bit of dental work 3. Eye exam and new lenses for one of us. 4. Deductible. (BTW, over the counter drugs are no longer eligible for FSA reimbursement.)

Well, back to the spreadsheet and the crystal ball.

(Later)
Sticker shock!!
Health insurance for me & JMM currently $183.44 per two week pay period. New premium for the two of us: $333.76
New premium for me only: $70.27

Next step: Find out how much JMM's health insurance would cost for him alone and how much for both of us.

The Chair

I bought a new chair for the bedroom. I love it--the style, the colors, the fabric and pattern--and it is wonderfully comfortable for sitting and reading. However, it has made the room look rather dowdy. Obviously such a chair needs a good reading lamp and a small table beside it. And the curtains on the window don't coordinate with the colors on the chair. And if we are going to have new curtains then the spread on the bed will need to be replaced...

Feeling better

If you are as sick and tired of my GI troubles as I am, skip this post. However, I think that I have solved another part of the problem. I have noticed that the less dairy products I consume, the less unpleasantness I have (to put it delicately). So I am going dairy-free and taking Lactinex. Lactose intolerance is not the whole problem but certainly has contributed.

I have requested some cookbooks from the library on cooking dairy free. We shall see how this proceeds.

Retirement plans

I've decided not to retire just yet. Financially, we could manage if I retired now but in all honesty, the income from my job allows splurges and pleasures that would not be as easy as now. Also, I am physically doing better; I think I have solved another piece of my GI problems--lactose intolerance. The third reason I am staying in the work force is that I am really good (she said modestly ;) ) at what I do. I've been at it long enough to know when something isn't right and should be looked into and I know the people I work with. So it looks like I will be staying with my MWF and one weekend a month schedule.

Acceptance

When we are young, we think we can fix things or that if we do all the right things, life will be what we want it to be. We think that people will change or they will at least come to their senses. And it is true that sometimes we can fix something, sometimes virtue is rewarded, and occasionally people do change. But mostly, things are what they are and must be dealt with.

There have been several people in my life that I kept waiting for them to come to their senses and get their lives together—none ever did. They just were who they were for whatever reason.

Sometimes charity helps but for all the efforts of agencies and programs and aid, mostly the destitute stay destitute for various reasons. Life is difficult and it is a struggle and sometimes that’s just what it is and how it is.

(On a personal note, I am coming to terms with health issues; I continue to try to figure out what is going on, but maybe it is just time to accept that this is my lot and just deal with it. )