A Difficult Decision

The form came in the mail earlier this week to renew my pharmacist license.  Rationally, I know that I will never work again. But emotionally, it is wrenching. I struggled so long and so hard to be able to  have a profession and to be able to take care of myself and my family. License renewal is hundreds of dollars and many hours of continuing education. I have the money and could easily do the CE hours but for what purpose?? No, it is time to close that part of my life. Wretched piece of paper!

Retirement plans

I've decided not to retire just yet. Financially, we could manage if I retired now but in all honesty, the income from my job allows splurges and pleasures that would not be as easy as now. Also, I am physically doing better; I think I have solved another piece of my GI problems--lactose intolerance. The third reason I am staying in the work force is that I am really good (she said modestly ;) ) at what I do. I've been at it long enough to know when something isn't right and should be looked into and I know the people I work with. So it looks like I will be staying with my MWF and one weekend a month schedule.

Why I continue to work

I have been asked on numerous occasions when I am going to retire; other times people are surprised that I work after all I am 62 and I use an electric scooter because I can't walk. I am married and my husband works and brings in a good salary. Why not retire?

Back in 1987 my husband lost his job. We had to sell our beautiful home with a pool and spa for exactly what we owed on it losing every penny of equity we had built up over the previous 12 years. We lived on severance and savings for the following year while I finished my Pharmacy degree and my husband began his training for a new career. I supported us for the following 2 years while he finished. He was without work for 3 years total. Now fast forward to 2007--husband is able to keep his job only by transferring to a totally new department. I have watched several mass downsizings at my own place of employment. So if there is one thing I have learned for sure over the years is that no job is secure and that has never been so true as it is today. So why do I work? So that if one of us loses their job, we still have an income and health insurance.

I can stretch a dollar as far as anyone but frankly there is a level of income below which it is exceedingly difficult to live even a modest life. Then there is the whole health insurance debacle; I have health problems and need to see doctors. I cannot imagine how much stress it is to be sick and not know how your are going to pay for health care.

The new financial reality is no joke and it is not optional. If you have a job, keep it, upgrade your skills, and (you know what I am going to say next, don't you) pay off all debts and get an emergency fund in place yesterday.

Finally, the last reason I keep working is that I want to die like Daniel Schorr--fully engaged with the world and doing work that I think is important until the end of my days.

A New Season

I had planned to keep working 4 days a week until I was 66 but it is looking like I just physically can't do it. My employer was very cooperative when I cut back to 4 days a week. Now I have requested 3 days a week and they are once again working with me on it. They are even letting me keep my benefits and insurance. I am quite relieved. DH is still working full time and wants us to switch to his health insurance just in case I have to quit altogether.

As Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven." It looks like this is the time for more rest and less work.

I don't know whether to feel sorry for these people or not.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/03/AR2009080303043.html?sub=AR

They are in a really difficult situation but I wonder about some of the choices they have made. They seem to have money for beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets. And I wonder what kind of choices they will make it the future to get themselves out of the bad situation. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn't a good plan for improving your situation. I see them setting a very bad example for the two children.
Maybe I am being uncharitable. After all, I had the blessing of growing up with parents who worked hard, were frugal, and took care of themselves financially.

Your basic worker bee

That's what I have decided that I am. I like to get things done. At work, I am always in the top 3-4 in productivity. At home, I always have a list of things to do--whether it is cooking, cleaning, quilting, reading, or tending the garden. Yes, there are days when I am tired or not feeling well and on those days, the best thing I can do is just rest, read, and nap with cats. But on the whole, I am your basic worker bee.

Thought for the Day:
People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get. Frederick Douglass

The Feminine Mistake

by Leslie Bennetts. Some well-educate young women leave their professional workplace to become Stay At Home Moms. Some men leave their wives, lose their jobs, or die. The Feminine Mistake is about the aftermath of the intersection of these two statements. It is well written and full of individual life stories.

Major points of the book include:
1. There are financial and emotional consequences to dependence.
2. While it is not good, fair, or the way things should be, wives/mothers are the ones who do the vast majority of child care, cooking, cleaning, and provisioning for the family in addition to any outside the home job she has.
3. The words, "Just do what makes you happy." when spoken by a husband are very dangerous words because what makes you happy at one point in your life (i.e., escaping the dual demands of home and profession) can make you very unhappy at another (i.e., being old, broke, & alone).
4. It is possible to manage both but you better figure it out and set up a system for yourself because you really are responsible for yourself.

I'll be danged if I'll let it get me down.

I have been feeling very down the past couple of days with all the turmoil at work. Unhappy with what is happening, the direction of management, and the firing of a 23 year employee. But I just came to the conclusion today that I am not going to let them make me unhappy. I like taking care of patients and providing help to the nursing and medical staff. I am just going to keep right on taking care of one patient at a time and taking satisfaction from it. If management doesn't like it, well, what's the worst that could happen--I'd get fired and wouldn't have to deal with them ever again. Fine with me.

Oh what a relief it is..

I am home today and it is such a relief to be away from work. The tension is just palpable. Management just keeps piling on more work, now with fewer people. Then there is my unease about working with B. I keep thinking that all I have to do is hang in there until January when the house is paid off but then there is my concern about JMM's job -- what if his employer decides that they don't need to pay a RPh salary to someone doing IT work?? OK, enough worry for today. We are well and together and everything else is secondary. It is a warm spring day, the wildflowers are spectacular, and we have swallows nesting in both the front and back porches.

Thought for the day:

" Preach the Gospel always. If necessary use words." St. Francis of Assisi

The Ax Man Cometh

Yesterday they fired 3 pharmacists, all from the OR, all long time employees. They had done nothing wrong; management just decided that we could do without 3 OR pharmacists. One had been with the company for 23 years and poof, no warning, no option to transfer to a different shift, just escorted out the door. What goes around, comes around though and Pharmacy Directors seem to be fired about every 5 years; I've never been happy to see a director or manager fired but I must admit that I'll have a hidden smile on my face when this bunch's time comes up...if I'm still around.

The New Schedule at Work

I've had a pretty sweet schedule at work for the past few years--I work evening shift (by my choice) and have my weekends free. That's all coming to an end beginning today. The original schedule was to work 2 weeks of days and 2 weeks of evenings and every other weekend. I was able to pair up with someone so that I get to keep my straight evenings but there is no avoiding the weekends. In all honesty though, I don't mind the weekends because it is nice to have some days off during the week. What really does have me worried is that we are now having to rotate through night shift when they have someone out on vacation. I know I can make it through the first night and probably through the second but after that I will be a zombie and maybe not safe to drive home. I amy have to get JMM to drive me home.
I know we have a hiring freeze and the managers are trying to stretch personnel but my, oh my, covering night shift is a major ordeal for me.

Good News

I got a 2.5% pay raise. There was a time not so long ago that a 2.5% raise would have me wondering what I was doing wrong and if there was something I could do to improve. Not today!! With what is going on in the economy today, I am thrilled to be employed much less getting a pay raise.

This will help us accomplish our goal of having the mortgage paid off by December 31, 2009.

Thought for the day:

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them -- every day begin the task anew."

Saint Francis de Sales

De-fragmenting

I came home from work so exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically Friday night that even after taking an Ambien to help me sleep, I woke up with a tension headache. I won't go into the details. Saturday morning not much better but by Saturday evening, I had calmed down enough to relax and read. What helped me was the beauty and peace here at OakMeadows. When we bought this property, I was less than enthusiastic but JMM had a vision of what this chest high with weeds, rutted property could be. He has worked hard to turn that vision into a lovely reality. The work week had left me feeling torn apart, fragmented. I didn't begin to recover until I stopped all the urgent weekend must get done list and went to the oak tree to sit and watch and listen. Watching the breeze flow through the grass, watching the butterflies, watching the clouds and above all, listening to the quiet sounds. The wholeness of the beauty and quiet enveloped me and made me part of it.

Thought for the day:

And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

To Work or Not to Work, That is the Question

I read a lot of blogs written by Happy Homemakers. They love cooking and cleaning and making their homes an inviting haven from the outside world. Many of them have small children and it is natural that they center their lives around hearth and home. Among the elderblogs that I read, there are a few Happy Homemakers; most are retired or out of the workforce for one reason or another. I love my home, I love my dear family, I love our OakMeadows land but....I confess, I am your basic Worker Bee. If I were not paid well or if I were mistreated at work, I may not feel the same way. I spent years at home when DD was small and I consider that time well spent; I flat don't see how women with small children manage to be back on the job 6-12 weeks after having a baby. Sheesh, I didn't get a night's sleep until DD was 3 years old. As DD grew older, I grew tired of being dependent and wanted to know that I could take care of myself. So I went back to school and became a Pharmacist. There are irritations and sometimes I want to chunk it but the thought of being without an income gives me an anxiety attack. Yes, not working would give me more time to quilt and cook and read and clean but I don't much like to cook, I can hire the cleaning done, and I can quilt & read on the weekends. At 60 I am fortunate to have the choice to work or not to work. For now the answer is Work.