Sunday, August 10, 2008

Depression

As much as I try to avoid and deny it, I have periodic bouts of depression. I am in one now. A big part of it is from dealing with CMT. CMT makes everything difficult. Imagine wearing a thick pair of stiff gloves all the time, every day; imagine not having muscle control from your knees down. It is exhausting just getting the daily chores done. But what I think is bringing on this round of depression is that I am realizing that it is never going to get better; I am always going to be tired and things are just going to get more difficult.

Because in my work every day I see so many people with diseases so much more debilitating--cystic fibrosis, multiple sclerosis, ALS, I tend to trivialize my CMT and thank my lucky stars that I am dealing with CMT and not something much worse. But the fact is that I am struggling to keep living a relatively normal life with an abnormal body and it is not easy.

There are so many things I want to do that I simply do not have the energy to do. I am having to find the most efficient ways to do things to conserve what energy that I do have. On days that I work, I have a pretty good morning routine and I will just have to stick with it and not try to add other things in. On days that I don't work, I have to try to get all my shopping or cooking done before noon because I am finding that I pretty much collapse if I try to keep going.

1 comment:

Tamara said...

Is there anything in life that you would do or do differently if you were able-bodied?